Book 3 - "Healing From An Accused Life – About Pinger" - (c:) August 2024

“Healing From An Accused Life – About Pinger” - By: The Accused - Our Official TOR Website

When I first met Pinger, it was Mid-February 2018 while shopping in a Duluth, MN grocery store where she worked as a front cashier. Pinger had a fun bubbly personality everybody liked. Plus, she knew where to find many items throughout the store and, was quite helpful with her customer service too. So in appearance, she was about 5ft 2in, short blond hair, blue eyes, pear shaped body, light skinned and in her late 30’s.

So every time I went to this store, I always hoped to see her working. However, I feared conversing with her believing she’d have no interest in talking to me and, I was afraid of being rejected and feeling stupid afterwards. Thus, I kept to small talk and said very little to her while cashing out. Then after that February, I didn't shop at this store for a time. For I believed my interest in Pinger was pointless to pursue. Thinking that my personal, legal and probation issues would scare her away and I’d further embarrass myself. And also, I didn’t want to keep reminding myself of what I believed I couldn’t have – ie a real loving relationship.

Then in Early September 2018, I returned to this grocery store to get a few things and I saw Pinger walking in as well. Though on this day, she was just shopping and not working. Thus, I recall seeing her entering right as I sat driver side in my car. So I quickly exited and went into the store all-the-while, hoping under nervous excitement that we would cross paths and begin talking. Then eventually, I caught up with her in the Produce Dept where we said hello and spoke for an hour while standing there. Likewise, we shared our names and got to know each other and finally towards the end, we exchanged phone numbers and continued conversing on the phone until 2am that evening. So in that time frame, I felt happy and elated that I actually got to meet and talk with her. Thinking, I finally met a lady I could talk to and get to know better after not having one for such a long time since my legal stuff started.

So while I was getting know Pinger, I found her to be an open minded and kind hearted smart lady who was easy to talk too. Plus, I felt she was very pretty and an over all good person. As such we clicked in many areas and, we had a lot in common as well. To me, she seemed like a cool-headed and well kept lady. Then eventually I found myself wanting to hear more to even, falling in love with her too.

Now as my romantic relationship with Pinger progressed, I learned she went to a local Duluth Lutheran church and held a position as their Church Council President. Then later during our relationship, she dropped that so she could focus more on her new job as an Admin Assistant for a local thrift store.

Now Pinger for the first three plus weeks after we met, was beautiful and kind towards me. As such I grew to like her a lot and, I developed an admiration and deep feelings for her too. For again, I loved how calm and cool headed she was. So for me, I finally felt like I met the right person who seemed perfect for my life. Especially, after all the evil $h!t that happened to me from Cookie, Honeydew and their family. Thus I thought to myself, here's a lady who actually cares about me. And, I felt like I belonged and was important to her too. Again, we shared many similar interests in food, faith and social activities. It was like being on “Cloud 9” and getting a breath of fresh air each time I was with her.

So three plus days after we met and during an in-depth phone conversation, I told Pinger about my legal situation, harsh probation terms and being in Sex Offender Treatment. As such, I spoke of my innocence and that I was forced to plead guilty under emotional duress to the county prosecution’s BS law-fair games. Then after, I spoke of how it all effected my daughter, my family and myself. Plus, I even recall crying on the phone while speaking with her too. Finally at the end, Pinger said I was very brave for telling her and added she was glad I was honest with her too. So from this night on, she and I grew further in our relationship.

And over the course of time with Pinger, I got to meet her family (ie her parents and two older sisters) with her being the youngest. And, I even went to church with Pinger and her family too. Then when the 2018 Holidays came up, I got to celebrate it with them as well. However a month or so earlier, my parents and my 11 year old daughter Flower met Pinger at their home during one evening dinner.

Now during my relationship with Pinger, we did a lot together and went to many different places and parks near and in Duluth. So for the most part in the beginning, we got along well and had lots of fun too. Yet, we also argued a quite a bit as well. And primarily, she did more than I. Thus often times, I would try to deescalate the issues by not arguing back and just listening. However, she would press it on further despite my cooling efforts. And as such, this is an area I find very difficult to write on. For I wish it wasn't true. Though sadly, it is.

So after the first three weeks of meeting Pinger, her behaviors towards me steadily became more argumentative, controlling, critical and pushy. To even where she’d say hurtful things like, “You sick f#ck!ng a$$hole!” and or, “You stupid f#ck!ing pr!ck!” or etc and then, sometimes she’d lash-out at me in a raging rant for an hour afterwards. So when Pinger was like this then, anything I spoke to her would set her further off. And in fact, her nastier violent behaviors towards me didn't start until Late October after we met. Pinger was very scary to be around when she acted like this. I didn’t know what to think! Nor, did I tell anyone either. However, I continued staying with her and putting up with it thinking and believing she’d soon change for the better. Yet, that never happened. For instead, she just got worse and more critical of me. So if I made a mistake or had an accident with her, she’d quickly call it out in frustration. Even if, it happened while out in public too. And so, it got to a point to where we couldn't go anywhere without her blowing up at me. And often times, I had to walk on eggshells so as not to not to p!ss her off. Thus basically, Pinger frightened the hell out of me and I just put up with it. All-the-while hoping, she would change for the better. Yet sadly, she didn’t.

Then on a Mid-November 2018 Saturday afternoon, I broke up with Pinger and that lasted for about four plus days afterwards. Plus, I even remember calling my Mom right after it happened to tell her about it too. Then on a Tuesday after at my Sex Offender Treatment Individual Session with my therapist, she told me Pinger had called her voicemail on the following Sunday Evening to report me as being verbally abusive towards her during an argument. So my therapist and I discussed this issue and I stated I wasn't behaving and speaking in the way Pinger described. Furthermore as I think about this situation, I even recall my younger sister saying Pinger “is a Snake-In-The-Grass" after I told her about everything that happened early in that week too. Plus, my sister is not one to hold back on speaking her mind either.

Then on a Wednesday evening after our Saturday break-up in that November, Pinger and I talked about it and got back together again as a couple. For she apologized for everything she did and, we seemed okay from then on. However in reality below our relationship's surface, it really wasn't okay. Because during the following week after we got back together, Pinger went right back to behaving and acting like she was before. So from that point on, I kept privately wondering what or, whom, caused her to be this way in the first place.

Now on a 2018 Christmas Sunday Lutheran Church Service, I shared a brief conversation with Pinger's oldest sister. So at that time, it was just she and I sitting in the sanctuary pew waiting for the rest of their family to return for the start of service. Thus, I told her oldest sister about how Pinger and I met and how I felt and she was happy to hear it. Then, I talked about a few of the struggles Pinger and I were working on and she stated her understanding. To then adding Pinger’s home life while growing up was quite “rough” at times too. Plus, her oldest sister pointed out that Pinger was involved in a difficult situation with a bad ex-boyfriend down in Minneapolis, MN some years ago. To stating, their Dad had to go down and rescue her from it – ie Pinger was most likely staying at a women’s shelter during this time. So basically, their Dad helped Pinger move back to Duluth to be away from the bad ex-boyfriend. Then she commented, "Pinger doesn't really know how badly she is hurt by that." Again, not much else was shared after and I didn't ask either. For out of respect for privacy, I felt it wasn't my business to know. Plus, I had my own Sex Offender Probation situation too. However later on through their family grape-vine, I learned this bad ex-boyfriend tried to get Pinger into a “prostitution ring” too. Perhaps it was even her oldest sister who told me this as well.

So despite my being a registered sex offender on probation and in treatment during this time frame, only Pinger and her then lady church pastor knew about me. Because as I understand, Pinger kept this private from her family and friends. Plus, I also suspect her choice to do so was based on her heavy past in Minneapolis too. For Pinger could have seen me as the opposite of her bad ex-boyfriend. And as one, who supported her desire to be a "strong willed women" and two, was a lot kinder than he was.

And throughout the rest of my relationship with Pinger from Late December 2018 to an Early April 2019 Friday Evening when it finally ended, I had my suspicions that she was abused and raped by this bad ex-boyfriend too. I even remember once asking Pinger about it, yet, she denied that and stated it didn't happen. However, I do recall her angered outbursts towards me said otherwise. Then sometimes while we slept at night in bed together in her home, I remember being woken up by Pinger talking and kicking in her sleep saying, “No! No! No!” So from those memories I had, I surmised she was running away from someone chasing to abuse her by what she was saying and doing. Then on one time when I asked Pinger about this, she stated she didn’t remember that happening and remained tight lipped on the issue from then on.

And despite Pinger’s troubled past, she always wanted to maintain a "Strong Willed Women" persona as she so often proclaimed and, she would never admit nor, show any weakness either. Whence by how Pinger was while being verbally critical and physically violent towards me, I gathered her parents were like this with her too during her growing up years. Thus sadly, they most likely raised her to be like this.

Then during her family's 2018 Christmas Day party at her parent's home, I observed her Mom being rigidly critical towards Pinger at their dinner table. To where she corrected Pinger on everything she said and did. And even her Dad harshly chimed in on her too. So at the time, Pinger just sat there quietly while looking confused and taking this from them. Meanwhile as I sat next to her, I felt astonished and angered by how her parents were treating her. Whence at one point, I recalled myself wanting to stand up say something to them. Yet, I held my tongue and didn’t because I felt it wasn’t my place. Although in my mind, I found them to being absolutely shameful towards her! Even both her sisters and their immediate families at the table witnessed this too. Then later on during a discussion with Pinger after we left, I told her that they p!ssed me off and she didn't deserve that. So all-in-all, this recalling added to my understanding on where Pinger got her anger issues from. Because her parents treated her like absolute $h!t! Then of course, she’d brush it off in denial like it never happened.

During an Early April 2019 Friday Evening after a bad argument with Pinger in her home, I decided I had enough with her abusive mistreatment of me. For she was being physically violent and verbally abusive towards me and wouldn't stop. Thus in feared haste, I abruptly decided to leave while Pinger chased after me on foot and threatening to hit me. To even doing so while I was getting into my car and starting it up to quickly drive away. For at that time, she was angrily pounding on my driver side window and trying to push it down so she could hit me there too. And so, Pinger was scaring the hell-out-of-me with her out-of-control raging anger! Then crazy enough, she shows up at my house door on the following Saturday morning and acting like Friday evening never happened. Nor, did she ever apologize or mention it then either. So I asked her leave and she refused several times until I finally threatened to call the police. To which, she complied and left shortly after with no further incident.

So again, during that Friday evening, I had enough and broke up with Pinger. Her craziness was way too much for me! Plus, I feared my staying with her would lead me to more legal troubles too. For her angered outbursts and violent attacks with her fists at me had no limits. Thus, she just did it whenever she was p!ssed off at me. And this happened whether in her home, mine or out in public. Whence, it all still amazes me that no one else saw what she was doing and called the police on us. Because her behavior was totally insane!

Now after I broke up with Pinger, I felt emotionally hurt about it for quite a long time afterwards. To even leading into a few plus years too. Plus in that time frame, I blamed her and myself for everything that happened as well. For so often while with her, I wished she would get therapeutic help and change. But she didn't. Instead, Pinger believed she could just fix herself. So despite my not being with her again after we finally broke up this second time, I still found myself missing her a lot at times too. Then in my own paranoia resulting from my legally accused past, there were times I even believed she was put in my life by the legal system thugs to ruin me. All because I plead guilty and was Criminally Sentenced in Early June 2017 and, the Cookie and Honeydew family thugs didn't get to put me in prison for many years like they wanted. However I will state here again, that there was quite a few times when I wondered if Pinger was actually placed in my life as a CI (Confidential Informant) operative for the legal system. For after all, her harsh behaviors towards me and then, once reporting me to my therapist early on during our relationship, is quite the strong evidence that could potentially lead to that curiosity. For she knew about situation and being on probation for it too!

Now a few plus years later while hand washing dishes at home and listening to soft music in my kitchen, I paused for a moment to think about Pinger. And then it dawned on me why she was acting the way she was when we were together. For its because she was indirectly showing me all the pain and suffering she received from her troubled past by those who hurt her. And as such, she was acting out all the harmful behaviors that were done to her too. So whether these came from her parents or, the bad ex-boyfriend in Minneapolis, MN, she was doing these to me in no specific order. Then during that moment I paused my dish washing and started crying at my thoughts about these happening to her. To even picturing what this looked like while it was happening to her too. And so, I can't even begin to imagine all the horrible fears and shame she felt from it. To include, probably feeling trapped with no way to escape! Whence to put it simply, she was calling out for help while we were together. Yet at that time, I didn't understand. Plus, I am guessing she didn't either. More so, she probably felt used and abused emotionally, mentally and physically by them too.

Then not long after that dish washing moment, I couldn't stand at my kitchen sink anymore. So I went to my bedroom and sat on the bed all-the-while, thinking about this happening to Pinger. It was so overwhelmingly sad and sobering! So in a way, its no wonder why she’s heavily messed up both mentally and emotionally. Plus, this is probably permanently seated in her mind too. Whence its not surprising why she desired to outwardly portray a "Strong Willed Women" persona as she stalwartly proclaimed. For she most likely feared appearing weak, by making a mistake and then, being vulnerable in front of others. Including me, while we were together as a couple.

However, I must also point out that this recognition does not excuse Pinger’s harsh and mean spirited behaviors and actions towards me either. For she did hurt me and, I also felt long term traumatizing effects after we broke up too. Thus my having to leave her was a difficult and painful choice to make and accept. Then many times since, I have wished things were better between us and I didn't have too. Whence to this day, I still find it sad and heart breaking that we ended this way. However, I also couldn’t continue to live in fear and have my safety and property threatened by her either. So to state here again, Pinger really did mentally and emotionally hurt me a lot and, it lasted for quite a few years afterwards too. Thus, Pinger is responsible for what she did to me.

Now, I do recognize that anger and fear primarily controlled Pinger’s life. For she held onto them like a security blanket and a ready-to-use defense mechanism too. All to fight off a troubled past and the fears of it happening again. Plus I even remember Pinger calling these her “angries” when she felt very tired and moody or, her “hangries” when she was overly hungry and needed to eat. Additionally, she once told me that she felt like she couldn’t change who she was and that this was all she knew how to be. And as such, this fed her defeatist attitude and kept her mentally and emotionally stuck inside it. And perhaps it was even comforting for Pinger too.

So in retrospect, when I reflect on the aspects about Pinger’s parents, I can only conclude that they are the “Evil F#ck!ing Monsters” whom desired their own selfish interests over her’s – ie their youngest daughter. For in my opinion, they’re the ones responsible for raising her wrong, treating her like $h!t, setting her up for failure and then, teaching her to be nasty towards other guys in her life. To which, gave cause for me to leave Pinger due to her continual hurtful behaviors towards me. And so, I feel very sorry for Pinger that she has them for parents.

Now in closing Pinger, I don’t hate you despite the fact I acknowledge your continued disgust and dislike for me as a person to this day. To even after, my experiencing previous times when our paths crossed and you saw me. To which, I would witness your pi$$ed-off sore loser facial expression being shot at me! Thus again Pinger, you are responsible for your harsh treatment of me. For you know what you did and why you did it. Its not excusable by any standard of social decency!

However as a personal follow of Jesus Christ, I do choose to forgive you and your family and, I pray you are doing better despite everything that happened to you. And again, its just too bad your parents mentally and emotionally hurt and wrecked you like they did. For they really did set you up for failure later on in your adult life. So, I truly hope you find the truth of positive life changes that leads to healing away from all your troubled past.

“Or, the child becomes like their grown-ups and does the same things too.”

In the time frame following this writing’s original posting in August 2024. I discovered Pinger was indeed, a Confidential Informant against me. Where she was working with a local female Duluth Police Investigator and also, with Probation without my knowledge. To which she learned about me after we met in Early September 2018 when, the investigating officer contacted her privately. For this is the same investigating female officer, who arrested and charged me back in Late August 2015. Thus despite my pleading guilty, taking a plea deal and being criminally sentenced in Early June 2017, this same investigating female officer was still spying on me! For she had Internet access to all my Probation Progress Reports posted, by my then Probation Officer, at Arrowhead Regional Corrections (ARC) here in Duluth, MN. And, its a known fact that ARC works directly under the local city and St Louis County Judicial System too. For they are legally required and MN State Bonded with keeping their in-trouble and convicted clients on probation for their judicially ordered time frames.

Now upon my discovery of this with Pinger, I learned from online research, finding social media postings by her and reflecting back on my memories and personal journal entries about her that this indeed is true. That this same female Police Investigator offered her a deal to help pay her house off for in-turn, if she would help in getting some false criminal indictment against me. All to put me in prison like this investigator and her lying clients Cookie, Honeydew and their family originally wanted before my Early June 2017 Sentencing.

So upon learning about this evil $h!t, I felt extremely disturbed, betrayed, abused and used as a person. That my Rights and Civil Liberties were willfully, with malice and forethought, violated! Thus in truth, Pinger and this female Duluth Police Investigator both belong in Federal Prison. For they broke the law and violated US Federal Statue “18 U.S. Code § 241 - Conspiracy Against Rights!” See www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/241 for more details. Plus, there are other laws they broke too!

Again, learning this about Pinger broke my heart and I felt personally violated. For this means she was not with me because of love. But, for her own self-interests and to screw me over too. Its F#cking Evil pure and simple! And, this also proves my immediate family was right about Pinger all along too! For I recall my Mom even telling me, “She’s trouble!” and to “Stay away from her!” after we first broke up when I told her then too. Though at that time I didn’t want to believe Mom or, my sister who labeled Pinger as a “Snake in the grass.” However, they were right! So this is a harsh truth to learn and it hurts a lot! For I feel like I never meant anything to Pinger at all. To thinking she’s just a, “Royal b!tch

Plus, I remember during our relationship how she talked about wanting to move to Brainerd, MN a few times then too. To which, I agreed and liked the idea for this is how I felt as well because of my legal mess. Yet the reality here is, this is probably what she was privately hoping for. To screw me over with a false criminal complaint, succeed then take her winnings to Brainerd. So my opinion now is, Pinger is an absolute evil b!tch! Plus as of last August 2025, she is married to guy she met in the same grocery store as I met her in too. And interestingly enough, he works there as a Front Cashier like she once did! More so, she works the same job at a local hardware store too. They only knew each other for less then a year before getting married – ie 9 months I am guessing. How ironic though. That’s about how long I was with Pinger as well.

Anyways again, Pinger you are responsible for what you did to me. For being recently married to some guy you just met barely a year ago before at the same grocery store we met at years ago doesn’t cover up what you did. Sooner or later, your wrongs will catch up to you and, these will be your downfall. I just hope in the meantime, that you and him don’t have kids together. For I would hate to hear about you doing to your kids the same harm that was done to you. Its sick! And, I still believe you need major psychological help too. However if you refuse to get help, then please do yourself and us all a big favor and get a hysterectomy so you can’t bare children. The world doesn’t need any more mean adult people!

Now on Our Official TOR Website, there is series of PDF books which details the challenges and struggles of one such a man who sought help despite all the odds against him. That no matter what mental battle he had to face, he still fought back even harder with a purposeful mantra, "Yes! I will have a voice! My truth is still coming out. And nothing is going to stop it from being told."

His struggling tales can be found on this site's Home Page in pdf form towards the bottom. Also, feel free to visit the rest of this website for more information too. *The "Gettin Busted, Please Help!" page is another area with interesting view points and helpful information as well.

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